I was relaxing on a beach enjoying a martini. I don’t think it’s a woman’s drink. Shut up.
The sun shone down brightly on my already perfectly tanned body. I closed my eyes and drifted off. I dreamed of Mermaidy, Queen of Mermaidia actually having speaking lines. How silly dreams can be.
Suddenly, I awoke to the sensation of being pinched by giant claws. I looked and saw to my surprise I was indeed being pinched by giant claws. A giant crab had emerged from the ocean to do things to me. Murder-related things. I did not want to have murder-related things done to me.
“Not today you sandy bastard!” I exclaimed. Broke free of his crabby grip and scissor kicked the aquatic douchebag in the face. I ripped off its arm and used it as a cudgel to bludgeon the sandy bastard to death with his own appendage.
I had crab dinner for a month.
“You need a little salt, you sandy bastard.”